Mothers March on Washington

This weekend is the annual Mothers March on Washington, which coincides with Mothers Day. This is part of an entire weekend of activities coordinated by Mothers of Lost Children.

Each year over 58,000 children are placed with abusive fathers, in most cases taken from mothers who have committed no crimes and have no history of abuse. The crisis in the family courts includes decades of gender bias against protective mothers. If a mother dares to bring up abuse in the family courts, the tables will be turned on her, with accusations (requiring no evidence) that she is lying and attempting to alienate her children against their father. Despite evidence of abuse by the father, the courts end up taking children from the custody of mothers who disclose abuse.

This weekend hundreds of mothers will spend their Mothers Day marching at the Capitol to bring attention to this painful and dangerous issue. They will also ask the justice department to take action.

There will be workshops and training during the weekend to address
the legal issues associated with this crisis in the family courts. Additionally, there will be a one day Battered Mothers Custody Conference, led by Dr. Mo Hannah and attorney Barry Goldstein.

Happy Mothers Day to everyone and, for those who do not have your children with you, you are not alone in your fight for justice.

Has Anything Changed

I recently read a blog from Jenny Smith. She has the distinction of being one of the first women ever admitted into a battered women’s shelter. Way back in May of 1973, the first battered woman shelter opened in England. (They are called women’s refuge.). She talked about her experience of finding shelter from her abuser, making one of those very first calls to seek shelter.

Jenny Smith talked about her experience but also asserted that she thinks battered women are no safer now than they were in 1973. She makes several interesting points.

Most studies that track homicide rates of battered women, show that those numbers have remained about the same over the decades. What has changed dramatically over that period of time is the number of battered women who kill their abuser. Those number have gone way down. Fewer battered women kill their abusers. We have saved abusers from being killed. While I certainly don’t advocate killing people, I do find it ironic that we have successfully saved abusers from being killed, while the number of women being killed by their abuses has remained fairly static.

I have no doubt that many battered women and their children have been saved by having battered women shelters. What I also know is that abuse is still accepted and consequences still seem small for committing abuse. We have better laws but most abuse is never punished.

And little emphasis is put on psychological abuse and it’s impact. It’s hard to create laws against psychological abuse. Yet, we know it’s impact is devastating, in many cases. Most of domestic violence is not physical abuse, but psychological abuse and coercive control.

So, have we made it safer for battered women since 1973 when Jenny Smith first took refuge in a battered woman shelter? Maybe not.

Writing a Book on Domestic Violence

I’ve thought for years about writing a book. I get asked about it all the time when I speak or present somewhere. I’ve even been asked by the bailiffs who have heard me testify in court about whether I have a book. I’ve had it outlined and changed a dozen times. I’ve written it in my head multiple times. After taking Bill O’Hanlon’s class on getting a book published, I’m finally getting serious about it. I almost have the proposal done.

I’m starting with a subject near and dear it me: domestic violence. I teach about it all the time and do expert testimony in court on this subject regularly. You might wonder why I think we need another book about domestic violence. Well, here’s my thinking.

There are many academic books about domestic violence, that are geared toward the professionals. There are several books out there written by formerly battered women about their experiences. But, after 35 years of research, most people still don’t understand domestics behind the bare bones basics. Even therapists don’t get it and often do more harm to their clients because of that.

There seems to be a gap between academic knowledge about domestic violence and the people who need to know and understand it: battered women, therapists, and those who love someone who is battered. My book is an attempt to bridge that gap; to explain the academic knowledge in terms everyone can understand.

I’m excited about this project. And about helping bridge this gap to help others.

This blog will be sharing some of those ideas. So stay tuned. Each week I will add something new. Thanks for reading.